Mourning takes many forms

This is a strange time of year for death. Spring with new life is in the air.
My parents both died in the fall. My husband's father died around Christmas time. Those seem like normal times to die, just as the Earth is slowing down or in the middle of it's sleep.

My husband's mother died this past weekend. It wasn't expected and it wasn't unexpected. She has been in questionable health since she had a stroke when he was five years old. That was a long time ago. Still, she was the last of our parents living. I couldn't leave work immediately because of testing and grading all being due this week. I even had to get the kids to finish final exams before they could leave. Luckily my husband's sister was good enough to hold the funeral for a day so they could get there. I am sad I didn't go with them. I sent my babies with their father to say good-bye to their last grandparent. And I wasn't there with them. I kept getting voicemail when I tried to call them to talk. I think it went alright. The Kennedy family is a large one. I guess my kids got a lot of support. They finished up the services today and spent some time with immediate family playing guitars and cards. I am glad I sent them.

I, on the other hand was able to have lunch with my older son and daughter today. A privilege I don't get often. I took a dance class. Went to my LYS for Knitting Night. Went shopping.

I took bereavement leave. I was told when my father-in-law died that he wasn't "immediate family" so that I was not entitled to leave. This time I decided to go anyway. Who are they to tell me who my family is or isn't? I wish I'd taken more time when my parents were ill and dying. Not me, I have to always live up to my responsibilities to my job. More and more responsibilities, with never a simple thank you for the time and energy they sap. I guess it's my fault I permit it.

So, I here honor the passing of a woman, mother, grandmother. May she have found the happiness she didn't find in life. With this passing, our parents are all gone. There is no one left to ask about things we don't remember from our pasts or about our ancestors they knew. I feel the loss of them all anew. They were such amazing people. The world is emptier without them.